The need to learn and practice impulse control is a natural part of a child’s development. It’s important to remember that children experience big feelings they don’t know how to verbally express, so they use their bodies to act on those feelings to communicate nonverbally. They are not trying to be defiant or impulsive, they are simply learning how their bodies work and how the world works. It takes time to learn, practice, and master self-control. Many adults still struggle with impulsivity! One of the biggest ironies of this topic is that parents also have to exercise their impulse control and patience when working with their children on this topic. This is why the parent’s behavior is one of the greatest influences on children developing these skills for themselves in addition to overt teachings about which behaviors are and are not appropriate in various social circumstances.
As kids develop, they will become more capable of controlling their impulses. Research findings suggest that kids have the developmental capability to begin to exercise impulse control and patience around 4 years of age, but this will be a slow process with different milestones up to adulthood, from being able to control their body, emotions, words, and thoughts. However, there are games and activities we can implement as parents, teachers, or caregivers to help these characteristics flourish. The twelve games and activities mentioned below allow children to learn about waiting their turn, resisting peer pressure, and tolerating the discomfort that comes from not being instantly gratified. And importantly, to help these behaviors stick and grow, it is important for parents to use positive reinforcement and praise when they see their children successfully practicing patience.
Simon Says: One person gives commands prefixed with "Simon says," and players must only obey those commands. If they do an action that does not start with this prefix, they lose. This game helps them with their ability to be attentive and listen, as well as control behavioral impulses to move.
Follow the Leader: Players mimic the actions of a designated leader, who tries to perform actions that are challenging to imitate.
Dance Statutes: Participants freeze in place like statues when the music stops. If they are caught moving, they are out of the game.
Red Light/Green Light: A game where one person controls the movement of others by calling out "red light" to stop and "green light" to go. If players move on a red light, they must start back at the beginning. The first one to the end wins.
Hide and Seek: Players hide while one person seeks them out. The seeker closes their eyes and counts before searching for everyone. Players must practice being quiet for an unknown length of time as they wait to be found, building their impulse control.
Freeze Tag: A tag game where tagged players must freeze in place when tagged until they are rescued and unfrozen by a fellow teammate.
Repeat Drumming: One player is in charge and creates a drumming pattern that the rest of the players must follow, which also tests their focus, memory, and coordination.
Jenga: Players take turns removing blocks from the tower without causing the tower to collapse, which builds fine motor skills and attention.
Bubbles or Bubble Wrap: Bubbles are blown or a child is given a sheet of bubble wrap, and they are told how many they are allowed to pop each round.
Don’t Eat the Marshmallow: A psychological experiment/game where participants resist immediate gratification by not eating a marshmallow placed in front of them for 5 to 10 minutes, with the promise that if they successfully wait, they will receive a second marshmallow.
Sleeping Turtles: Participants move into a comfortable position and pretend to be asleep. The first one to make a sound loses.
Martial Arts: A sport focusing heavily on self-discipline, growth, respect, and skill.
Impulse Control Video: https://youtu.be/5-IP2asdAJY
About the Author:
Emily Burnham is a Marriage and Family Therapist who enjoys working with couples and families using Emotionally Focused Therapy. In her spare time, Emily loves to stay busy with learning new languages, writing stories, and creating videos for her YouTube channel: Elevate With Emily.
Emily Burnham LAMFT
Clear Counseling LLC
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